Why a Snack May Solve Your Relationship Problems by Ellie Murphy

I recently was part of a relationship night where people submitted questions for me and
one of my friends to answer.
​
We got this question that I ended up thinking about a lot. When I first read it, it seemed
like the answer was obvious, but the more I thought about it and how I was going to
answer, the deeper the answer seemed to become.

This was the question….

“When she’s upset but insists that everything is fine, how do I get her to open up and just tell me what’s wrong?”

Most likely, if you are reading this blog on sisterhood, you are a female and you know
what the answer to this question is…. RUN! HIDE! IT’S A TRAP! Throw her a snickers
bar. Those are the only plausible answers.

Full communicating my emotions and needs is something that I have personally struggled with during these first two years of marriage. 

When I was single and I was upset, no one needed me to fully explain myself. I could
just hide away from people until I felt better and was in a more pleasant mood. But, when I
got married and my husband wanted me to explain why I was upset during a fight, I struggled. That was something I had never had to do before. On top of that, I have automatically assumed several times that he was upset or mad at me for something. But he's later explained  his attitude or funk has nothing to do with me. He is just simply hangry or tired.

Now how does this relate to the original question?

“When she’s upset but insists that everything is fine, how do I get her to open up and just tell me what’s wrong?”

The Bible talks about how sometimes you just need to take a nap and eat a snack.

“Then Elijah lay down under the bush and went to sleep. An angel came to him
and touched him. The angel said, “Get up and eat!” Elijah looked around, and by
his head, there was a cake that had been baked over coals and a jar of water. He
ate and drank and then went back to sleep.”
-1 Kings 19:5

When myself and my husband started going to pre-marital counseling, our counselor
gave us the best advice. When a situation was getting heated or we had any serious conversations, use the acronym H.A.L.T. 

The acronym H.A.L.T. stands for HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, and/or TIRED.

If you or your spouse are experiencing one of these four things, try your very best to mitigate
whichever H.A.L.T. symptom you may be experiencing before you unintentionally start
a fight or engage in a serious conversation. 

Here's how that works for Sam and I. If he’s hungry, I make him food. If he’s angry, I let him vent or give him some space. If he’s lonely, I show him some lovin’. If he’s tired, I encourage him to take a nap. He returns the favor for me. 

Learn how to effectively communicate simple truths in your relationships and you'll save yourself from so many unnecessary conflicts. Genuinely, a snack might just solve your relationship problem. 

Keep getting to know yourself and the needs of those you love.

​xoxoxo, Ellie