Wresting Without Walking Away: Deconstructing to Rebuild Real Faith

God sits on a throne, not a loveseat.

It’s important that we remember that as we wrestle with who He truly is. Because He’s not fragile. He doesn’t see our questions and doubts and run away scared. He can handle the full weight of it all. Here’s how I know…
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Gage and I were sitting on the couch last night asking each other questions from a couples card game we bought each other for Christmas.

One card asked:
“What were the key turning points in your life that brought you to where you are today?”

As I started reflecting on my faith — on Jesus as the promised Messiah, the fulfillment of prophecy, and the reality of the Holy Spirit truly residing in my heart — I realized something surprising.

The turning point for my faith wasn’t baptism. It wasn’t a radical encounter with God at church camp. The turning point for my faith was doubt.

In high school, I started wondering: Is this all real?
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I was struggling with depression and an eating disorder. I was picked on and often felt left out. And in the middle of all that pain, I found myself asking: God, if you’re really there… then why?

Always the intellectual, I didn’t just have personal doubts. I had theological ones too.
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• Is there proof that Jesus actually lived and was the Son of God?
• Is the Bible really trustworthy?
• Is God even out there?
• How do I know Christianity is right when there are so many other religions?

My list of questions went on and on. And I didn’t keep them quiet. I threw every question I had at God, my youth pastor, and my dad. I read books about other religions and studied everything I could.

And here’s what happened…

God didn’t crumble.

Instead, I found real evidence for my faith. Evidence for a God who became man to live among us, to die for us, to raise us to life through His resurrection, and to send His Spirit to dwell within our hearts.

My faith was no longer a collection of beliefs that had simply been handed down to me by my parents or my church. It became my own. Doubt, surprisingly, became the doorway to a deeper relationship with Jesus.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
-James 1:5-6

​Now I know you’re reading this passage and thinking, “Kaley, this says not to doubt.” Yes. You’re correct. But it’s more specifically telling us not to doubt in the character of God. That if He truly is who He says He is, then He will answer. In His way. In His time. Our issue is that we throw the baby out with the bath water. We start to poke holes in Christianity and, instead of tearing down our religion to just Jesus and rebuilding, we throw it all into the wind. Our souls awash in an ocean of information, were tossed this way and that by TikTok influencers and self proclaimed online theologians. We grasp for any kind of “truth” because our beliefs just crumbled.

And this is where we have to talk about the deconstruction movement.

It often gets a bad reputation because the word itself implies tearing something down — dismantling belief entirely. But the truth is, to some degree, every sincere believer has to deconstruct at some point.

We have to pull apart the faith we inherited and examine it for ourselves. We have to separate cultural Christianity from the person of Jesus. We have to ask the hard questions.

But there’s a difference between wrestling with God and walking away from Him. Wrestling means staying engaged. Walking away means giving up before the answer comes.

​If you read Scripture closely, you’ll see that God has never been intimidated by honest questions. In fact, some of the deepest faith stories in the Bible come from people who wrestled with Him.

People who asked why.
People who lamented.
People who pushed back.
And God didn’t reject them. He met them.

The problem isn’t asking questions. The problem is deciding that if we can’t immediately understand something about God, then He must not be real.

But what if our questions are actually invitations?
What if the tension we feel in our faith is God drawing us deeper — not pushing us away?
What if the questions you’re carrying right now are not signs that your faith is falling apart, but signs that it’s growing up?

Real faith isn’t fragile. It’s not afraid of investigation or threatened by curiosity. And it certainly isn’t destroyed by doubt. Because God isn’t sitting nervously on a loveseat hoping we don’t ask anything too difficult. He’s sitting on a throne. And a God who sits on a throne as the Creator and ruler of all things is big enough to handle every question we bring to Him.

So if you’re in a season where you’re questioning things you once assumed… don’t panic. Don’t run. Lean in. Ask the questions. Seek the answers. Engage with God instead of withdrawing from Him. You may discover what I did years ago.

That sometimes the very thing we’re afraid will destroy our faith… is actually the thing God uses to make it real.

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Reflection Questions

1. Have you ever experienced a season where doubt or questioning deepened your faith instead of destroying it? What did that process look like?
2. Are there questions about God, faith, or life that you’ve been afraid to ask out loud? What would it look like to bring those honestly to God?
3. When you encounter uncertainty in your faith, do you tend to withdraw from God or lean in toward Him? Why do you think that is?

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Journaling Prompt
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Write down the biggest questions you currently have about God, faith, or your life circumstances. Don’t censor yourself. Imagine sitting across from God and being able to ask Him anything. What would you say? What do you wish you understood?
Then take a moment to write a short prayer, inviting God into those questions instead of pushing Him away.

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Prayer

God,

You are bigger than my questions, bigger than my doubts, and bigger than my understanding. Thank you that I don’t have to pretend to have everything figured out to come to You. Thank you for being a God who invites honesty, curiosity, and deeper seeking.
When my faith feels uncertain, help me not to run away but to lean in. Give me the courage to wrestle with the hard things while trusting that You are still present, still good, and still working.
Meet me in my questions and lead me deeper into truth.

Amen.